A Poetic Look at Virtual Friends

I recently won second prize in the Community Virtual Library's poetry contest for my poem, "Virtual Friend" which is reprinted below. I posted the poem on Facebook and was both surprised and pleased that so many people commented about it. Hollyjean Allen felt it expressed her own feelings about her friends in Second Life so accurately that she wants to send a few of them a link to it. When I wrote it, I did have a certain SL friend in mind, but I realize that most of the sentiments are quite general and can be shared by many. I certainly believe that virtual friends can be as important to a person's support network, and sometimes even more so, than real life friends, although I also think that friends are friends, whether you meet them online or in person.

One of the lines in my poem asks, "Where do you find a friend?" Friends can be found anywhere, but there are many degrees to friendship. A person is lucky to have a close friend that they can share their ups and downs with. When we're young, we sometimes have a "best friend" that becomes almost like a brother or sister. But as we grow older, it's sometimes not as easy to form close friendships because we are involved in so many other things and have hardly the time for ourselves and our relatives, let alone a friend. It's sad that so many people go through life just having casual friendships. Whether a virtual world is the place many lonely people can find deeper friendships, I don't know. Speaking from the viewpoint of a person who is shy in real life, I do think that it is easier to strike up similarities with people online, although, of course, one must be careful. The advantage to socializing online is that the physical is not a factor, and some people may feel more comfortable revealing themselves when they are not being judged by looks or age or sex. As I also say in my poem, "Age doesn't matter, sex doesn't matter, and distance matters even less." Isn't it a great thing that people from all over the world can meet and interact via the Internet?

The photo on this blog is from a recent get together at my new SL house with a few of my virtual friends.

Here's the poem.

Virtual Friend

We met in a virtual world
a place created from fantasy
yet the friendship we formed was based on truth and reality
I can't fully grasp all that you've come to mean to me
I can tell you things that I can share with no other
I have no fear that you will hurt me, and you know your confidences are safe with me
You see me clearer than those who see me every day
even though you've never laid eyes on me
You touch me deeper than those who are always by my side
even though you've never laid a hand on me
Your support strengthens and encourages me
I am glad to share your sorrow,
You can heal my pain
just by listening.
And when we laugh together, it's at the same jokes
the ones written in the same books
but we read them from miles apart, worlds apart, and yet they are so close
as close as we are virtually.

Where does one find a friend? Not just an acquaintance but someone true, someone honest like you?
Age doesn’t matter, sex doesn’t matter
and distance matters even less
I guess
we never would've met years ago
before technology gave us a way
Today
there are so many ways to stay in touch online
You're always there for me
and I am thankful I found you along the path
It's a lonely walk otherwise
And when we walk it together, it's the same path
the one we follow that leads the same way
but we walk it from miles apart, worlds apart, and yet we are so close virtually.

When it Rains, it Pours, literally and virtually

Have you ever had a really bad week full of really bad news? I know we all get those once in awhile, and this past week was my turn. It started when my mom informed me her cat 16-year old cat passed away. I felt bad for her because I knew what she was going through and although the cat hadn't been mine, I'd known him since he was a kitten. It also brought back the loss of my Floppy who will be gone two years this fall and whom was the both the inspiration for my book, "Cloudy Rainbow," and the pet memorial center I operate in Second Life.

The week continued with bad news. I learned a long-term patron at the library where I worked who was also a good friend had succumbed to the Cancer she was trying to fight. I had seen the woman less than a month ago. We had shared a smile and a hug. You just never know.

A few other less noteworthy things occurred both at work and at home that added to my rotten week, and then the week was topped off with a message from an online friend that both surprised and saddened me. I was surprised both by the message and my feelings about it. For the purposes of this blog piece, the circumstances don't matter. It just meant that my online correspondence with this person would change and possibly cease. Have others experienced this, I wondered? Have you ever really come to depend on the support and friendship of someone you've never met but someone you email or chat with on a regular basis over the Internet? I imagine this occurs occasionally if not commonly as our society has become so reliant on computers and more people are still lonely even if they have real life friends and family.

In my book, "Cloudy Rainbow," my main character also becomes involved with someone she meets online in a virtual world who she later learns is someone who is actually part of her real life. In a turnabout, the feelings she develops with this person online transfer to her real life relaltionship with him. When I wrote this, I wasn't basing this on any of my own experiences, even though many other events in the book are fictionalized fact. But now that this has happened to me, in a different yet similar way, I can relate. Another acquaintance I have in Second Life recently wrote a column for RezLibris, the library magazine I co-publish, saying that people often reveal more of themselves online and can become as close if not closer than in real life because they are more transparent, having only their words to share with one another. I had never thought about this, but I now see it is very true.

So while I mourn for my mom's cat and a library patron friend, I also mourn the friendship of someone I'd never met in person but whose friendship meant a great deal to me.

When it rains, it pours, literally and virtually. I hope next week is better.